(I apologize for taking so long to get this post up. I had written it awhile back but didn’t have a chance to proof-read and edit until now! We are always busy with something, and unless little man is napping or DH is home, I don’t always get the time). : )
God truly speaks to me through my son Stephen. Sometimes even after reading the Bible for over an hour, I feel like I don’t hear Him. Then I see Stephen smile, sleep peacefully, or do something new, and I feel the presence of God in the room. Sometimes when I’m tired or losing my patience, God uses Stephen to remind me of His love through a precious hug or kiss. I feel like things are going to be okay because my child is a beautiful representation of the Hope that Christ can give.
God also uses others to speak for Him when we are at a loss or when we feel like He is silent. During one difficult week, we struggled to make it to our church’s Bible study for couples. DH and I always try our best to get there even if things are crazy. There have been many times that DH has gone by himself because I had to stay home with a sick or hurting baby. That week, I believe Stephen was well, but DH didn’t get home from work until very late after a stressful day. We almost didn’t go, but we knew we needed to be there for support. We are beyond thankful for such a wonderful group of people that are willing to listen, pray with us, and offer loving support and comfort. Every person in our small group has more grace than anyone I’ve ever met.
That night we watched a video based off of Psalm 42:5, which says “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” During the discussion, I remember sharing with our group that at the worst time of Stephen being in the hospital, not eating, being sick, I felt utterly hopeless. I felt like God had abandoned me after years of wanting to serve Him. And I didn’t know what went wrong or why.
Everyone in the group offered encouragment towards me, but sometimes it takes a little boldness from a person to really hear God’s voice. One couple leads our group, and they are incredible. It was *Diane, the female leader, who spoke some words I needed to hear. She told me I had to remember that while I may be helpless, I am not hopeless. That I either had to acknowledge God’s goodness regardless of what I was going through, or I could pretend that He didn’t care. That if I trusted Him then I had all the Hope I needed. And that His Hope is enough.
Talk about a blow to the ego. Although she said every word soaked in love, she didn’t sugar coat it. It was exactly what I needed.
That night, months ago, I decided that I was going to let the Hope of God be enough. And on the days when I have felt exhausted, frustrated, angry, confused, scared, alone, etc… over my son’s medical problems and special needs, when I couldn’t hear God say one word, when I looked at Stephen and wondered “why,” that was when I held on to Hope.
There are lots of things we can put our hopes in. I can put my hope in Stephen being healed. I can put my hope in financial gain or material things. I can put my hope in my relationship with my husband. I can even put my hope into my own plans and schemes for now and the future. But when those hopes let you down, or things don't go the way you hoped they would, where do you go?
You go to the One who is Hope. His name is Jesus Christ.
Real Hope IS enough. When you have nothing left to hold onto and your whole world is falling apart before your eyes, there is Hope.
*Name has been changed.